Woof, haven't posted in a few days, so here's a quick catch up blog.
Sunday put the christmas lights up. Fun. Strangled Mika a bit. Hamster nearly fell of a ladder when he was putting lights on the roof. Great fun.
Monday, found pictures of Mika when he was like 15 in a photo box in the attic. He says he'll pay me to burn them. No such luck. There's one where he's like raping an elephant in a childrens park. Funny stuff.
Tuesday, went on school trip with my sisters school. Anyone heard of the clothes show? Massive market and fashion show thing, didn't look to be fun but surprisingly was. Got dragged shopping a couple of times, and refused point blanc to go into the actual fashion show but then Matt came out and he looked like...just whoa...and told me I had to go in there, so we went back in for another show and holy shit. Pole dancers. No lie.
Today, today has been the best day, seriously. I'm gonna be a god-dad. Uh-huh. When Hamster's daughter is born, Mika and I are god-dads. How cool is that? Aaaaaand, I felt her kick as well. Never felt a baby kick before. It's like...immense. Can't wait til she's born. Not long now. Her name was gonna be Grace, but they changed their minds, now her middle name is Grace. And her name is Rose. So she's gonna be Rose Field...lol. Great, huh? Rose Grace Field. Maybe Rosie. We'll see when she's born.
And now me and Sean are just getting like uber hyper and scaring the shit out of everyone.
It's not a bad life after all.
Fucking Shit Wanking Bollocks
What the title says.
I had a lumbar puncture today.
I fucking hate lumbar punctures.
And they took a load of blood as well.
Waiting for test results.
I might well be buggered already. I hope not. I'm not ready to die yet.
I had a lumbar puncture today.
I fucking hate lumbar punctures.
And they took a load of blood as well.
Waiting for test results.
I might well be buggered already. I hope not. I'm not ready to die yet.
Have I Got News For You!
No, actually.
I don't have news for you, but now you're reading this you might as well carry on.
Well, the rest of this week (since I last posted) has been pretty average. For my life anyway, which means a whole lot of tears and fighting. God I love being me. Please ignore the sarcasm.
Recall me mentioning my arm earlier? Yeah, it's buggered. Limited feeling and it's going to stay that way which marginally sucks. Okay, it really sort of sucks. But oh well, I've survived worse. And I can still play Super Mario with my left hand. Who needs a right hand anyway?
Not I, I say, not I.
Manyways, yesterday I escorted Madd's (as in Madison as in a little bit of Madison will clear that up right away, Sir...lol) to a play in the village hall. *nods solemnly* We actually came across as quite respectable until I parked the car and Mika ran straight into the door. lol. But yeah, met up with the guys and Dan (God I love that girl =D ) and went to see Matt and Pip's play. It was actually brilliant, seriously, they it was immensely good and I'm ever so proud of them. Little thespians. And I finally understand why Matt's been repeatedly stabbing people with blunt pencils and yelling "Stab stab...stabby stab stab!" for weeks. But yeah, they were epic.
A point of non-epicness now however. If any guys are reading this then they'll possibly know how hard it is to have to live with making your girlfriend cry. Guys of the planet earth, I am Mr guilt-trip! I really really hate this sometimes. I really hate dying. It fucks every aspect of your life right up, I swear to God. It's easy to pretend to be okay, it really is. But being in this position does not make me suddenly fearless or perfect or invincible or even capable of dealing with anything that I haven't been able to deal with before. I just have to pretend. I hate that.
And I hate that as soon as I let it be known to one person, just one fucking person, it causes mass breakdown. I really hate the "Please stop, for me," line. I can understand I mean, no one wants to think about a friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/family member self harming but am I denied one coping mechanism? The only one I have left? But I do hate to see her cry. So I'm gonna try and stop. Proud of me?
Yeah, you should be.
And yet another point of complete un-epic-ness. If you happen to know us in real life, the next time you see Pip give her a big hug and tell her that you love her. Lord knows she needs that, she deserves that. And if you know Pip internet-wise then please God just mention that you love her anyway and give her a virtual hug and tell her she'll be okay.
It takes a lot to make that girl cry, but Mr Lyall fucking Dane has succeeded. Yep, that's right, if that name sounds familiar then she's obviously mentioned her quest for her birth father. He didn't turn out to be all that great. Or even semi-great at all.
For those of you who knew my mum, imagine a cross between her and the wicked witch of the west with a penis and there's Mr Lyall fucking Dane for you. I feel for Pip, I really do. So let her know that you love her.
*salutes*
And that's me done for today.
Bye-bye now.
I don't have news for you, but now you're reading this you might as well carry on.
Well, the rest of this week (since I last posted) has been pretty average. For my life anyway, which means a whole lot of tears and fighting. God I love being me. Please ignore the sarcasm.
Recall me mentioning my arm earlier? Yeah, it's buggered. Limited feeling and it's going to stay that way which marginally sucks. Okay, it really sort of sucks. But oh well, I've survived worse. And I can still play Super Mario with my left hand. Who needs a right hand anyway?
Not I, I say, not I.
Manyways, yesterday I escorted Madd's (as in Madison as in a little bit of Madison will clear that up right away, Sir...lol) to a play in the village hall. *nods solemnly* We actually came across as quite respectable until I parked the car and Mika ran straight into the door. lol. But yeah, met up with the guys and Dan (God I love that girl =D ) and went to see Matt and Pip's play. It was actually brilliant, seriously, they it was immensely good and I'm ever so proud of them. Little thespians. And I finally understand why Matt's been repeatedly stabbing people with blunt pencils and yelling "Stab stab...stabby stab stab!" for weeks. But yeah, they were epic.
A point of non-epicness now however. If any guys are reading this then they'll possibly know how hard it is to have to live with making your girlfriend cry. Guys of the planet earth, I am Mr guilt-trip! I really really hate this sometimes. I really hate dying. It fucks every aspect of your life right up, I swear to God. It's easy to pretend to be okay, it really is. But being in this position does not make me suddenly fearless or perfect or invincible or even capable of dealing with anything that I haven't been able to deal with before. I just have to pretend. I hate that.
And I hate that as soon as I let it be known to one person, just one fucking person, it causes mass breakdown. I really hate the "Please stop, for me," line. I can understand I mean, no one wants to think about a friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/family member self harming but am I denied one coping mechanism? The only one I have left? But I do hate to see her cry. So I'm gonna try and stop. Proud of me?
Yeah, you should be.
And yet another point of complete un-epic-ness. If you happen to know us in real life, the next time you see Pip give her a big hug and tell her that you love her. Lord knows she needs that, she deserves that. And if you know Pip internet-wise then please God just mention that you love her anyway and give her a virtual hug and tell her she'll be okay.
It takes a lot to make that girl cry, but Mr Lyall fucking Dane has succeeded. Yep, that's right, if that name sounds familiar then she's obviously mentioned her quest for her birth father. He didn't turn out to be all that great. Or even semi-great at all.
For those of you who knew my mum, imagine a cross between her and the wicked witch of the west with a penis and there's Mr Lyall fucking Dane for you. I feel for Pip, I really do. So let her know that you love her.
*salutes*
And that's me done for today.
Bye-bye now.
Fucked Up
Geez, I fucked up.
I think I've done myself nerve damage. Can't feel my right forearm anymore.
It went all prickly, and then all the feeling just went altogether.
Oh well, I'm falling apart anyway I suppose, so no harm done.
Aaaaand, I fucked up at Mario Party 4 again today.
Peach beat me again.
That fucking whore.
I think I've done myself nerve damage. Can't feel my right forearm anymore.
It went all prickly, and then all the feeling just went altogether.
Oh well, I'm falling apart anyway I suppose, so no harm done.
Aaaaand, I fucked up at Mario Party 4 again today.
Peach beat me again.
That fucking whore.
Last Summer
And we laugh till we cry
Always so hard to say goodbye
And we all sit round here in our home town
It's so good like this, these are times we'll miss
The memories, I hope they'll never fade
Glowing embers lie across the sky
Here by my side, in my summer, our last summer
The world passes by in my summer, our last summer
The light makes shadows fall, surrounded by each other
Alive to watch it all, the view through our last summer
The view from our last summer...
I would stop time to stay with you
I would stop time so we don't move
I would stop time
I would stop time
I would stop time to keep you
This song made me sad.
It always does.
But I thought I'd post it as I'm addicted to posting now.
It makes me think of my life. My life is...better than some peoples, I have great friends and great times and I never want to let them go but I'm going to have to. Sooner rather than later.
And I'd do anything, anything at all so that I could keep things like they are.
Always so hard to say goodbye
And we all sit round here in our home town
It's so good like this, these are times we'll miss
The memories, I hope they'll never fade
Glowing embers lie across the sky
Here by my side, in my summer, our last summer
The world passes by in my summer, our last summer
The light makes shadows fall, surrounded by each other
Alive to watch it all, the view through our last summer
The view from our last summer...
I would stop time to stay with you
I would stop time so we don't move
I would stop time
I would stop time
I would stop time to keep you
This song made me sad.
It always does.
But I thought I'd post it as I'm addicted to posting now.
It makes me think of my life. My life is...better than some peoples, I have great friends and great times and I never want to let them go but I'm going to have to. Sooner rather than later.
And I'd do anything, anything at all so that I could keep things like they are.
Damn Mario
Damn Mario.
No, actually, damn peach.
Ever played Super Mario?
That was a rhetorical question, of course you have. Everybody has.
And even if you haven't, you know Mario. Little italian in the stupid red outfit, brother called Luigi, hopeless romantic for princess fucking Peach.
Jesus Christ.
Been playing this Mario game today, can't remember what it's called.
*checks* Mario Party 4.
Never heard of Mario Party 1, 2 0r 3 but Mario Patry 4 was just lying around, so I put it in the machine and decided to while away a happy hour or so lost in video game world. Oh the joys.
But seriously...not a happy hour. Anything fucking but.
I swear to God it cheated me. I should have won, definitely. But Peach did, and then Mario, and then me and then fucking Yoshi.
What a rip off.
Mario sucks donkey balls.
And Peach...oh fucking Peach. She bums people for spare change.
Geez.
No, actually, damn peach.
Ever played Super Mario?
That was a rhetorical question, of course you have. Everybody has.
And even if you haven't, you know Mario. Little italian in the stupid red outfit, brother called Luigi, hopeless romantic for princess fucking Peach.
Jesus Christ.
Been playing this Mario game today, can't remember what it's called.
*checks* Mario Party 4.
Never heard of Mario Party 1, 2 0r 3 but Mario Patry 4 was just lying around, so I put it in the machine and decided to while away a happy hour or so lost in video game world. Oh the joys.
But seriously...not a happy hour. Anything fucking but.
I swear to God it cheated me. I should have won, definitely. But Peach did, and then Mario, and then me and then fucking Yoshi.
What a rip off.
Mario sucks donkey balls.
And Peach...oh fucking Peach. She bums people for spare change.
Geez.
I Want To Cry
You know what is completely sad?
I'm a grown man, and I want nothing more than to cry. I haven't cried since I was like...what 10?
But right now, God, so bad.
I dunno, I just feel like it's all jumped on top of me in the last five minutes.
Just had a long talk with someone about my terminal illness. Never really talked about it before, makes it seem real.
And you know what?
I don't want to die.
I don't care that it sounds childish and selfish and loads of other shit that ends in ish, but it's true.
I really don't.
I'm scared. I am so, so, so scared. Because I don't know what's going to happen and I don't know if it's going to be okay and the thought terrifies me.
The more I think about it, the more I want to break down and smash things and yell and cry until I feel better.
I mean, why me? What did I do? I'm 18 years old and I won't live to see my 21st birthday.
And do you know makes me sad about that?
I will never drive a truck.
Have to be 21 to learn to drive a big truck over here, and I'll never get to do that.
Or have a family, never have a family, that's sad. Or a decent job. Geez, my grandparents are going to outlive with me. That is just simply fucked, my friends.
I want to cry and my other alternative doesn't bear thinking about cos I don't want to go back down the rocky road of self-mutilation.
But man, it's tempting.
I'm a grown man, and I want nothing more than to cry. I haven't cried since I was like...what 10?
But right now, God, so bad.
I dunno, I just feel like it's all jumped on top of me in the last five minutes.
Just had a long talk with someone about my terminal illness. Never really talked about it before, makes it seem real.
And you know what?
I don't want to die.
I don't care that it sounds childish and selfish and loads of other shit that ends in ish, but it's true.
I really don't.
I'm scared. I am so, so, so scared. Because I don't know what's going to happen and I don't know if it's going to be okay and the thought terrifies me.
The more I think about it, the more I want to break down and smash things and yell and cry until I feel better.
I mean, why me? What did I do? I'm 18 years old and I won't live to see my 21st birthday.
And do you know makes me sad about that?
I will never drive a truck.
Have to be 21 to learn to drive a big truck over here, and I'll never get to do that.
Or have a family, never have a family, that's sad. Or a decent job. Geez, my grandparents are going to outlive with me. That is just simply fucked, my friends.
I want to cry and my other alternative doesn't bear thinking about cos I don't want to go back down the rocky road of self-mutilation.
But man, it's tempting.
Fucking Hell
Fucking hell, I'm on blog posting mania but I keep thinking of things to say.
This is probably the last one today though.
I'm majorly into Lostprophets. Like in a massive way. Like in a without listening to them I probably would have topped myself long ago sort of way.
They're my favourite band.
I was downloading some music today, and I came across a Lostprophets cover of the song "Cry Me A River" by wait for it...
Justin Timberlake! That's right...the gender confused one hisself.
And it's actually surprisingly good.
Recommend listening to it. =)
This is probably the last one today though.
I'm majorly into Lostprophets. Like in a massive way. Like in a without listening to them I probably would have topped myself long ago sort of way.
They're my favourite band.
I was downloading some music today, and I came across a Lostprophets cover of the song "Cry Me A River" by wait for it...
Justin Timberlake! That's right...the gender confused one hisself.
And it's actually surprisingly good.
Recommend listening to it. =)
My Week...Continued...
Okay, moving on from the slightly...okay, okay, very depressing post I just put up...
The rest of my week has been pretty good, you know besides the whole death of a friend, attending funeral in the pouring rain, coffin bearing ordeal. Oh, and the whole questioning of and fretting about my impending death as well...that hasn't been so good.
But manyways...
On Tuesday, my mate Darren/Dazzer/Daz/Mr Giggles (who is wheelchair bound after a car accident for those who don't know) got some real good news.
He's been going to physio for a little while, but has basically given up walking seeing as he hasn't in nearly a year, but yeah...on tuesday, his left leg twitched. This is hugely massive for someone paralysed from the waist down, hugely. And it's happened again today, which is also huge.
It could just be muscular spasms, but it could be a sign that the physio is working. Positive thinking though, positive thinking does the world of good so we just gotta think positive right?
Yeah, thought so.
Point of awesome news number two:
Pip (bonkers 16 year old girl who lives with me some of the time for those who are unfamiliar - yeah, that's right Sean, I mean you) has a little brother. Yeah, it's new.
Her mum had her little brother at 3am this morning. He's a month early but healthy, and his name is Callum, and apparently he's (to use her words) "really really really really tiny and soooooo perfect".
We'll see how long she's saying that for, but for now I think she can be ecstatic.
On Thursday I went to my sisters parent-teacher review thingy. She's doing good, which is good.
I made friends with a four year old as well, and spent most of yesterday questing round the house for earmuffs and socks to balance on her ears...it's vitally important that her ears didn't get cold. I sorta like it when Matt has to babysit his little sister, cos it means I get to look for socks I never knew existed. Nah, lol, she's a cool kid. I like her. Jennieflower.
That's all I can think of for now and I think I've written enough.
You know what's cool though?
Nearly Christmas.
I'm looking forward to Christmas.
The rest of my week has been pretty good, you know besides the whole death of a friend, attending funeral in the pouring rain, coffin bearing ordeal. Oh, and the whole questioning of and fretting about my impending death as well...that hasn't been so good.
But manyways...
On Tuesday, my mate Darren/Dazzer/Daz/Mr Giggles (who is wheelchair bound after a car accident for those who don't know) got some real good news.
He's been going to physio for a little while, but has basically given up walking seeing as he hasn't in nearly a year, but yeah...on tuesday, his left leg twitched. This is hugely massive for someone paralysed from the waist down, hugely. And it's happened again today, which is also huge.
It could just be muscular spasms, but it could be a sign that the physio is working. Positive thinking though, positive thinking does the world of good so we just gotta think positive right?
Yeah, thought so.
Point of awesome news number two:
Pip (bonkers 16 year old girl who lives with me some of the time for those who are unfamiliar - yeah, that's right Sean, I mean you) has a little brother. Yeah, it's new.
Her mum had her little brother at 3am this morning. He's a month early but healthy, and his name is Callum, and apparently he's (to use her words) "really really really really tiny and soooooo perfect".
We'll see how long she's saying that for, but for now I think she can be ecstatic.
On Thursday I went to my sisters parent-teacher review thingy. She's doing good, which is good.
I made friends with a four year old as well, and spent most of yesterday questing round the house for earmuffs and socks to balance on her ears...it's vitally important that her ears didn't get cold. I sorta like it when Matt has to babysit his little sister, cos it means I get to look for socks I never knew existed. Nah, lol, she's a cool kid. I like her. Jennieflower.
That's all I can think of for now and I think I've written enough.
You know what's cool though?
Nearly Christmas.
I'm looking forward to Christmas.
Chrissie
It's been the most...there is no word for it, but if there was I'd be saying this:
It's been the most *mystery word* week I've ever experienced.
First off; 6am Monday morning and my group turn up. For those of you I've never told about my group, they're this uber cool group of people that I hang with.
There's Sean; the bisexual often drunk pyro who currently has possession of my hoodie.
And there's Iz, or Isabelle; she's real friendly if you know what I mean. Lol, well, we say she is anyway. She's the most eccentric woman I've ever met.
And there's Madd's, or Madison. She's real maternal, loves everyone to death, worries her ass off.
And there was Chrissie. She was something special. You know if you imagine an angel personified? That's her. So naive and pure and all that bollocks. Possibly the best friend I've ever had.
And we all hang together because we're all terminally ill and go along to a support group for learning to deal with it.
But anyway, they turned up at my place at 6am in Sean's car saying that they're getting away from a few days and they have no idea where they're going and was I in?
Hell fucking yeah, I was in.
It was immense. I've never had so much fun, we ended up camping in this field like two hours drive from here and Sean and Iz got completely plastered while Madd's is trying to keep them under control. And me and Chrissie, we start talking. You know the phrase "If I died right now, I'd die happy"? Well, we were talking about that and how it's different for us cos it might jinx it or whatever. And she glanced around and said "You know what? I don't care. If I died right now, I'd die happy."
Need I say what happened? Next morning, we go for coffee and Chrissie wouldn't wake up.
Sad, heart-breaking and all that. I mean, I feel like my hearts being ripped out of my chest and stood on repeatedly, then run over with a juggernaut, then mushed into the ground with a stiletto heel. It's impossible to describe how miserable I am, and how much I would do to have her back. So I'm in a fucked up place right now, you know?
There's a load of other stuff in my week that make it so *mystery word* but I think that Chrissie deserves a post of her own, so I'm going to start a new post about all the other shit.
This is for Chrissie.
Rest in Peace.
And I miss you.
It's been the most *mystery word* week I've ever experienced.
First off; 6am Monday morning and my group turn up. For those of you I've never told about my group, they're this uber cool group of people that I hang with.
There's Sean; the bisexual often drunk pyro who currently has possession of my hoodie.
And there's Iz, or Isabelle; she's real friendly if you know what I mean. Lol, well, we say she is anyway. She's the most eccentric woman I've ever met.
And there's Madd's, or Madison. She's real maternal, loves everyone to death, worries her ass off.
And there was Chrissie. She was something special. You know if you imagine an angel personified? That's her. So naive and pure and all that bollocks. Possibly the best friend I've ever had.
And we all hang together because we're all terminally ill and go along to a support group for learning to deal with it.
But anyway, they turned up at my place at 6am in Sean's car saying that they're getting away from a few days and they have no idea where they're going and was I in?
Hell fucking yeah, I was in.
It was immense. I've never had so much fun, we ended up camping in this field like two hours drive from here and Sean and Iz got completely plastered while Madd's is trying to keep them under control. And me and Chrissie, we start talking. You know the phrase "If I died right now, I'd die happy"? Well, we were talking about that and how it's different for us cos it might jinx it or whatever. And she glanced around and said "You know what? I don't care. If I died right now, I'd die happy."
Need I say what happened? Next morning, we go for coffee and Chrissie wouldn't wake up.
Sad, heart-breaking and all that. I mean, I feel like my hearts being ripped out of my chest and stood on repeatedly, then run over with a juggernaut, then mushed into the ground with a stiletto heel. It's impossible to describe how miserable I am, and how much I would do to have her back. So I'm in a fucked up place right now, you know?
There's a load of other stuff in my week that make it so *mystery word* but I think that Chrissie deserves a post of her own, so I'm going to start a new post about all the other shit.
This is for Chrissie.
Rest in Peace.
And I miss you.
Just Another Saturday In The Life Of Me
Hello loyal people and by that I mean myself as no one will read this.
This is my blog...how blogular...
First entry...I'm dying of excitment, I assure you.
And...well, that's about all I have to say for now.
Laterz.
This is my blog...how blogular...
First entry...I'm dying of excitment, I assure you.
And...well, that's about all I have to say for now.
Laterz.
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