I have a stalker.
Serious.
My brother is stalking me.
I'm considering calling the police.
Damn Mario
Damn Mario.
No, actually, damn peach.
Ever played Super Mario?
That was a rhetorical question, of course you have. Everybody has.
And even if you haven't, you know Mario. Little italian in the stupid red outfit, brother called Luigi, hopeless romantic for princess fucking Peach.
Jesus Christ.
Been playing this Mario game today, can't remember what it's called.
*checks* Mario Party 4.
Never heard of Mario Party 1, 2 0r 3 but Mario Patry 4 was just lying around, so I put it in the machine and decided to while away a happy hour or so lost in video game world. Oh the joys.
But seriously...not a happy hour. Anything fucking but.
I swear to God it cheated me. I should have won, definitely. But Peach did, and then Mario, and then me and then fucking Yoshi.
What a rip off.
Mario sucks donkey balls.
And Peach...oh fucking Peach. She bums people for spare change.
Geez.
No, actually, damn peach.
Ever played Super Mario?
That was a rhetorical question, of course you have. Everybody has.
And even if you haven't, you know Mario. Little italian in the stupid red outfit, brother called Luigi, hopeless romantic for princess fucking Peach.
Jesus Christ.
Been playing this Mario game today, can't remember what it's called.
*checks* Mario Party 4.
Never heard of Mario Party 1, 2 0r 3 but Mario Patry 4 was just lying around, so I put it in the machine and decided to while away a happy hour or so lost in video game world. Oh the joys.
But seriously...not a happy hour. Anything fucking but.
I swear to God it cheated me. I should have won, definitely. But Peach did, and then Mario, and then me and then fucking Yoshi.
What a rip off.
Mario sucks donkey balls.
And Peach...oh fucking Peach. She bums people for spare change.
Geez.
I Want To Cry
You know what is completely sad?
I'm a grown man, and I want nothing more than to cry. I haven't cried since I was like...what 10?
But right now, God, so bad.
I dunno, I just feel like it's all jumped on top of me in the last five minutes.
Just had a long talk with someone about my terminal illness. Never really talked about it before, makes it seem real.
And you know what?
I don't want to die.
I don't care that it sounds childish and selfish and loads of other shit that ends in ish, but it's true.
I really don't.
I'm scared. I am so, so, so scared. Because I don't know what's going to happen and I don't know if it's going to be okay and the thought terrifies me.
The more I think about it, the more I want to break down and smash things and yell and cry until I feel better.
I mean, why me? What did I do? I'm 18 years old and I won't live to see my 21st birthday.
And do you know makes me sad about that?
I will never drive a truck.
Have to be 21 to learn to drive a big truck over here, and I'll never get to do that.
Or have a family, never have a family, that's sad. Or a decent job. Geez, my grandparents are going to outlive with me. That is just simply fucked, my friends.
I want to cry and my other alternative doesn't bear thinking about cos I don't want to go back down the rocky road of self-mutilation.
But man, it's tempting.
I'm a grown man, and I want nothing more than to cry. I haven't cried since I was like...what 10?
But right now, God, so bad.
I dunno, I just feel like it's all jumped on top of me in the last five minutes.
Just had a long talk with someone about my terminal illness. Never really talked about it before, makes it seem real.
And you know what?
I don't want to die.
I don't care that it sounds childish and selfish and loads of other shit that ends in ish, but it's true.
I really don't.
I'm scared. I am so, so, so scared. Because I don't know what's going to happen and I don't know if it's going to be okay and the thought terrifies me.
The more I think about it, the more I want to break down and smash things and yell and cry until I feel better.
I mean, why me? What did I do? I'm 18 years old and I won't live to see my 21st birthday.
And do you know makes me sad about that?
I will never drive a truck.
Have to be 21 to learn to drive a big truck over here, and I'll never get to do that.
Or have a family, never have a family, that's sad. Or a decent job. Geez, my grandparents are going to outlive with me. That is just simply fucked, my friends.
I want to cry and my other alternative doesn't bear thinking about cos I don't want to go back down the rocky road of self-mutilation.
But man, it's tempting.
Fucking Hell
Fucking hell, I'm on blog posting mania but I keep thinking of things to say.
This is probably the last one today though.
I'm majorly into Lostprophets. Like in a massive way. Like in a without listening to them I probably would have topped myself long ago sort of way.
They're my favourite band.
I was downloading some music today, and I came across a Lostprophets cover of the song "Cry Me A River" by wait for it...
Justin Timberlake! That's right...the gender confused one hisself.
And it's actually surprisingly good.
Recommend listening to it. =)
This is probably the last one today though.
I'm majorly into Lostprophets. Like in a massive way. Like in a without listening to them I probably would have topped myself long ago sort of way.
They're my favourite band.
I was downloading some music today, and I came across a Lostprophets cover of the song "Cry Me A River" by wait for it...
Justin Timberlake! That's right...the gender confused one hisself.
And it's actually surprisingly good.
Recommend listening to it. =)
My Week...Continued...
Okay, moving on from the slightly...okay, okay, very depressing post I just put up...
The rest of my week has been pretty good, you know besides the whole death of a friend, attending funeral in the pouring rain, coffin bearing ordeal. Oh, and the whole questioning of and fretting about my impending death as well...that hasn't been so good.
But manyways...
On Tuesday, my mate Darren/Dazzer/Daz/Mr Giggles (who is wheelchair bound after a car accident for those who don't know) got some real good news.
He's been going to physio for a little while, but has basically given up walking seeing as he hasn't in nearly a year, but yeah...on tuesday, his left leg twitched. This is hugely massive for someone paralysed from the waist down, hugely. And it's happened again today, which is also huge.
It could just be muscular spasms, but it could be a sign that the physio is working. Positive thinking though, positive thinking does the world of good so we just gotta think positive right?
Yeah, thought so.
Point of awesome news number two:
Pip (bonkers 16 year old girl who lives with me some of the time for those who are unfamiliar - yeah, that's right Sean, I mean you) has a little brother. Yeah, it's new.
Her mum had her little brother at 3am this morning. He's a month early but healthy, and his name is Callum, and apparently he's (to use her words) "really really really really tiny and soooooo perfect".
We'll see how long she's saying that for, but for now I think she can be ecstatic.
On Thursday I went to my sisters parent-teacher review thingy. She's doing good, which is good.
I made friends with a four year old as well, and spent most of yesterday questing round the house for earmuffs and socks to balance on her ears...it's vitally important that her ears didn't get cold. I sorta like it when Matt has to babysit his little sister, cos it means I get to look for socks I never knew existed. Nah, lol, she's a cool kid. I like her. Jennieflower.
That's all I can think of for now and I think I've written enough.
You know what's cool though?
Nearly Christmas.
I'm looking forward to Christmas.
The rest of my week has been pretty good, you know besides the whole death of a friend, attending funeral in the pouring rain, coffin bearing ordeal. Oh, and the whole questioning of and fretting about my impending death as well...that hasn't been so good.
But manyways...
On Tuesday, my mate Darren/Dazzer/Daz/Mr Giggles (who is wheelchair bound after a car accident for those who don't know) got some real good news.
He's been going to physio for a little while, but has basically given up walking seeing as he hasn't in nearly a year, but yeah...on tuesday, his left leg twitched. This is hugely massive for someone paralysed from the waist down, hugely. And it's happened again today, which is also huge.
It could just be muscular spasms, but it could be a sign that the physio is working. Positive thinking though, positive thinking does the world of good so we just gotta think positive right?
Yeah, thought so.
Point of awesome news number two:
Pip (bonkers 16 year old girl who lives with me some of the time for those who are unfamiliar - yeah, that's right Sean, I mean you) has a little brother. Yeah, it's new.
Her mum had her little brother at 3am this morning. He's a month early but healthy, and his name is Callum, and apparently he's (to use her words) "really really really really tiny and soooooo perfect".
We'll see how long she's saying that for, but for now I think she can be ecstatic.
On Thursday I went to my sisters parent-teacher review thingy. She's doing good, which is good.
I made friends with a four year old as well, and spent most of yesterday questing round the house for earmuffs and socks to balance on her ears...it's vitally important that her ears didn't get cold. I sorta like it when Matt has to babysit his little sister, cos it means I get to look for socks I never knew existed. Nah, lol, she's a cool kid. I like her. Jennieflower.
That's all I can think of for now and I think I've written enough.
You know what's cool though?
Nearly Christmas.
I'm looking forward to Christmas.
Chrissie
It's been the most...there is no word for it, but if there was I'd be saying this:
It's been the most *mystery word* week I've ever experienced.
First off; 6am Monday morning and my group turn up. For those of you I've never told about my group, they're this uber cool group of people that I hang with.
There's Sean; the bisexual often drunk pyro who currently has possession of my hoodie.
And there's Iz, or Isabelle; she's real friendly if you know what I mean. Lol, well, we say she is anyway. She's the most eccentric woman I've ever met.
And there's Madd's, or Madison. She's real maternal, loves everyone to death, worries her ass off.
And there was Chrissie. She was something special. You know if you imagine an angel personified? That's her. So naive and pure and all that bollocks. Possibly the best friend I've ever had.
And we all hang together because we're all terminally ill and go along to a support group for learning to deal with it.
But anyway, they turned up at my place at 6am in Sean's car saying that they're getting away from a few days and they have no idea where they're going and was I in?
Hell fucking yeah, I was in.
It was immense. I've never had so much fun, we ended up camping in this field like two hours drive from here and Sean and Iz got completely plastered while Madd's is trying to keep them under control. And me and Chrissie, we start talking. You know the phrase "If I died right now, I'd die happy"? Well, we were talking about that and how it's different for us cos it might jinx it or whatever. And she glanced around and said "You know what? I don't care. If I died right now, I'd die happy."
Need I say what happened? Next morning, we go for coffee and Chrissie wouldn't wake up.
Sad, heart-breaking and all that. I mean, I feel like my hearts being ripped out of my chest and stood on repeatedly, then run over with a juggernaut, then mushed into the ground with a stiletto heel. It's impossible to describe how miserable I am, and how much I would do to have her back. So I'm in a fucked up place right now, you know?
There's a load of other stuff in my week that make it so *mystery word* but I think that Chrissie deserves a post of her own, so I'm going to start a new post about all the other shit.
This is for Chrissie.
Rest in Peace.
And I miss you.
It's been the most *mystery word* week I've ever experienced.
First off; 6am Monday morning and my group turn up. For those of you I've never told about my group, they're this uber cool group of people that I hang with.
There's Sean; the bisexual often drunk pyro who currently has possession of my hoodie.
And there's Iz, or Isabelle; she's real friendly if you know what I mean. Lol, well, we say she is anyway. She's the most eccentric woman I've ever met.
And there's Madd's, or Madison. She's real maternal, loves everyone to death, worries her ass off.
And there was Chrissie. She was something special. You know if you imagine an angel personified? That's her. So naive and pure and all that bollocks. Possibly the best friend I've ever had.
And we all hang together because we're all terminally ill and go along to a support group for learning to deal with it.
But anyway, they turned up at my place at 6am in Sean's car saying that they're getting away from a few days and they have no idea where they're going and was I in?
Hell fucking yeah, I was in.
It was immense. I've never had so much fun, we ended up camping in this field like two hours drive from here and Sean and Iz got completely plastered while Madd's is trying to keep them under control. And me and Chrissie, we start talking. You know the phrase "If I died right now, I'd die happy"? Well, we were talking about that and how it's different for us cos it might jinx it or whatever. And she glanced around and said "You know what? I don't care. If I died right now, I'd die happy."
Need I say what happened? Next morning, we go for coffee and Chrissie wouldn't wake up.
Sad, heart-breaking and all that. I mean, I feel like my hearts being ripped out of my chest and stood on repeatedly, then run over with a juggernaut, then mushed into the ground with a stiletto heel. It's impossible to describe how miserable I am, and how much I would do to have her back. So I'm in a fucked up place right now, you know?
There's a load of other stuff in my week that make it so *mystery word* but I think that Chrissie deserves a post of her own, so I'm going to start a new post about all the other shit.
This is for Chrissie.
Rest in Peace.
And I miss you.
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